Jack's Home
I wonder what my new home’s gonna be like! I am so excited! I’ve heard from the humans who take care of me that the holidays are coming up soon! Well, I don’t quite know what they mean by that but, I’m sure it’s a time in the year that is supposed to be very special. And it already is because I’m going home to a nice human today. Oh, boy, I cannot wait to see his home! He seems like such a nice human because when he first came to visit me, he played with me, and my trainers gave him a bone to feed me. He wouldn’t give it to me at first though because I think he was scared I was gonna bite him; but when I felt his fear towards me, I just rolled on my back and wiggled my paws in every direction to show him that I’m not mean, I’m playful. Finally, he gave me my treat and I was really happy, also because he was really happy! He smiled, laughed and gave me a lot of tummy rubbies, and oh boy did I love that! I just know that my new home is going to be fantastic!
The second day he came to visit, he told me,I wonder what my new home’s gonna be like! I am so excited! I’ve heard from the humans who take care of me that the holidays are coming up soon! Well, I don’t quite know what they mean by that but, I’m sure it’s a time in the year that is supposed to be very special. And it already is because I’m going home to a nice human today. Oh, boy, I cannot wait to see his home! He seems like such a nice human because when he first came to visit me, he played with me, and my trainers gave him a bone to feed me. He wouldn’t give it to me at first though because I think he was scared I was gonna bite him; but when I felt his fear towards me, I just rolled on my back and wiggled my paws in every direction to show him that I’m not mean, I’m playful. Finally, he gave me my treat and I was really happy, also because he was really happy! He smiled, laughed and gave me a lot of tummy rubbies, and oh boy did I love that! I just know that my new home is going to be fantastic!
“You’re going to love it at my home. I have two kids, one is a 6-year-old and the other is a 10-year-old. They love animals and they’ve always wanted a pet puppy. They’ll definitely love you especially since you’re so little and fluffy and only 11 months old. You’re perfect, Lulu.”
Oh, boy! Oh, boy! When I heard a name, I exploded with excitement! I ran in circles in my play area, and jumped and slid and, oh, boy! I just couldn’t control myself! Lulu, he called me Lulu! He already had a name for me! That means, somewhere in this big place, I’m in a person’s heart. That means somewhere in this place I’m wanted, I’m actually going to be loved.
Oh, boy! When I saw him walk in, wow! Was I excited or what? He came by my window and waved, “Hi, Lulu! Hi, we’re here to take you home now!”
Home. I was going to go home. And although I would miss my fellow neighbors that lived below me, above me and to the sides of me, I think I was ready to find my own place in this world, and that place was definitely with him and his family. And, like me, I hope my neighbors will be brought also to good homes. I wish only the best for them during this special time in the year.
When my human finally took me out of that small space, we were outside. A place I’ve never been before! Although it was really freezing, it was enjoyable! He walked me out with a leash and I got to run! I ran and I ran! I felt bad though because I don’t think he was able to catch up with me. He said,
“Wow, for a first-timer being outside, you sure know how to channel those canine legs of yours.”I just stopped and looked up at him and then I kept running, but eventually he tugged me to the right direction of his moving wheels. I like to call them, box of moving wheels. Because it’s sort of boxed shaped and it has round wheels beneath it. When he picked me up to get into his car, there was a lady human, and he called her Isabelle. He hugged her and kissed her on her cheek and I guess you could say I thought I was going to be the only girl in his life, but when he handed me to her for her to hold, I guess I accepted her a little better. And so I licked her on her face to let her know that I sort of liked her. She hasn’t fully gotten my full one hundred percent yet, but there’s potential.
While we were in the box of moving wheels, I heard a few times Isabelle call the human, Jack. So I sat in Isabelle’s lap thinking to myself, “Lulu and Jack, Jack and Lulu.”Hmm, Jack and Lulu definitely sounded much better and more smoother when you’d say it.
I realized during that car ride that I want to be with Jack forever. I’d play with him, wait for him to play with me, I’ll always be sweet to him and protect him in case he needs it. I’ll always be his lookout no matter what. Jack was there for me and now I’m here to be there for him. He changed my life and loves me like I am and now in return, I will give him the best playful puppy he’s ever met!
Soon, we pulled into a drive way and the box of moving wheels came to a stop. I think we were home. We, as in me also, were home, as in my home, too. Isabelle put me down on the ground and I ran to where Jack was, jumping up and down in front of him. I heard Isabelle say,
“Wow, Jack. Lulu really loves you.”I don’t think either of them saw it, but I was definitely smiling my widest.
When we were finally inside, two little kids came running to the door. I was a little scared at first because they were coming at me fast but I quickly remembered Jack telling me that I’d love them. So I jumped onto their sofa and they sat next to me petting me so gently. Well, I wasn’t so gentle with them. I licked them so violently trying to let them know that I wanted to play. I heard everyone laughing and it made me jump around the home even more! All their smiles made the welcome home very much worth it. I loved my new family.
All day, I’d just been playing and barking and I hadn’t really thought of where I would sleep that night. I really, really hoped that they wouldn’t make me sleep outside, or even worse: a cage! But thank goodness that wasn’t what they had in mind. Because that night, I slept in the kids bedroom, cuddling nice and sound next to Adam, their 6-year-old boy. Susana was the 10-year-old girl, and she slept across the hall from us. She came in to say goodnight, but Adam was already asleep. Then she turned to me and kissed me on the top of my head and said, “Goodnight, Lulu. Sleep well on your first night here.”Then she turned off the light and shut the door.
Oh, boy! For the next few weeks I’ve been having a blast! My new family goes to the park and they bring me, but they tell me not to go to far, especially Jack, he always keeps things a little strict for me when it comes to new and bigger places than my home. My new family feeds me the weirdest things, but I’m not complaining. My new family also bought me toys and a fleece jacket is what they called it, and oh, boy! It was warm in that thing, especially when I go for walks in the morning and night time.
Although, one day, my family told me that they had to leave me for a bit. I was a bit scared because I didn’t know if they really meant for a little bit or if they meant forever, so I gave all of them the biggest kisses I’ve never give them before in their life. But when Jack said that he’d be back for me, I knew I’d see them again. So I just waited by the window up until their arrival back home.
I was told to guard the house, so I did. And whenever I’d see some furry, little, bushy tails go wagging by on the bush next to the window I was at, I’d bark and bark and bark until it moved away. Nothing was going to get into this home unless they got by me. Which, by my watch, was NEVER going to happen.
Everytime Jack tells me that he’ll be back for me, he always does. He never leaves me and neither does the rest of my family either. It’s so nice knowing that I’m always wanted by them, especially when they get back home. Oh, boy! When they get back home, they say my name and make all these weird noises that I enjoy anyway! I jump and bark back at them hoping they’ll understand that I’m mostly telling them, “You guys are all so weird! These noises! They’re laughable! I love you guys anyway!”Everyday, really, is a joy.
Oh, boy, oh, boy! Jack tells me that Christmas is just around the corner! So whenever he takes me on my walk, every corner we turn on, I look for Christmas. And he’s right, it is near, because I see all these lights that I haven’t seen before, I see all these pretty decorations, and oh, boy! There’s a big, big green tree in our living room! The family decorated it and put lights on it also, just like the outside of this house. It’s so pretty and I’m glad Christmas is coming around the corner, he seems like a very nice person.
One day, Jack went to go somewhere by himself without the family with him. And again, he told me he’d be back in an hour or two. So, he took out his big jacket and his umbrella and he left. It was already late at night and he hadn’t been back yet, and I knew it had been more than 2 hours. I scrambled around the house checking to see if he’d been hiding from me for whatever reason, because I wanted to show him my hiding place that I had chosen for a bone he had given me. But he still wasn’t home yet. So I lied at the window where I normally would be if my whole family were out and I waited for him.
My family also waited for him in the living room. For some reason, Isabelle was constantly on the phone, and water was coming from her eyes. I wanted to go comfort her for whatever reason her water was for, but I just couldn’t find the nerve to leave the window. I mean, what if Jack had come home? No one would know because I wasn’t at my duty, being lookout and being Jack’s guard dog for the house. So I stayed and waited, stayed and wait.
But Jack never came home that night.
A few days later, I hadn’t eaten well and I haven’t had my walk in days. Jack still hasn’t come home like said he would, but he said he would come home, so I still waited at my designated spot on the couch. Isabelle would sometimes try to get me away from the window and put me in Adam’s bed, but I wouldn’t budge. I didn’t wanna move, because what if Jack came home? No one would know. Isabelle would still try and try, and she’d say, “Lulu, Jack isn’t coming back. He’s gone, Lulu, he’s gone.”Then she’d start to sob again, but it couldn’t be true. Jack loved me, and it was a special time in the year, he couldn’t have left me like that. I knew he’d be back, he said he would. Jack said he’d be back.
Later that week, other humans came by Jack’s home. Some of them crying too. But I don’t understand. What’s going on? And why hasn’t Jack come home yet like he said he would? Some people came by me to pet me, but I just kept looking outside waiting for Jack. Some would say, “Oh, poor thing. She doesn’t know, she doesn’t even know.”But I do know, I’d say to myself. Jack is returning, he said he would.
I believe almost a year has gone by, and Jack still hasn’t come home. Susana has held me in her arms, but it’s not the same as when Jack would. She’s tried to give me walks. But I never wanna leave this spot. They bring me food, but it’s not the same as when Jack gave me food. Jack, he said he’d come home. Why hasn’t he come home? He missed last Christmas, and now, today, he’s missing it again.
This isn’t my home. This isn’t my home at all. This was Jack’s home. And without Jack here, like he said he would be, it isn’t his. Therefore, it isn’t mine anymore either.
I just wanted to sit in my spot at the window for the rest of my life. I wanted Jack to come home, nobody else. I didn’t want no one else but Jack. Jack had to come home. He just had to. Merry Christmas, Lulu.
December 13, 2010
Marginalized
I'd hate to talk about this. I really do, but it bothers me. I was going through a lot during the first part of this semester. I felt I couldn't handle the things and assignments that were being given to me. I found this semester to be a really hard one, since I have math two, biology, journalism and literature. It felt as if I had 4 cores all in one semester, and I felt I wasn't ready for all of those at once. I tried my best to accomplish all the harder assignments first, then finish the easier ones. However, not completing all of them just wasn't enough for some people. I'd try to tell her, I tried, I tried and tried to to get everything done. But I fell short. I felt really busy with all my assignments and the sport I played at the same time.
One week, it was just unbearably hard. No one could have understood how much work I had that whole week. My agenda for that week overflowed, and no one could've understood how much I really tried. A non-good student getting a lot of work done, but still not being able to complete everything. After three days of not being able to complete assignments in a particular class, word spread to several other teachers. I felt like no matter how hard I tried to let her see and know how overwhelmed I felt, it didn't matter. I was like the bad guy. I was thrown into a cell and locked away. My coach began to hate me even more. She wouldn't even listen to me me anymore. She was so hard on me. And when I was having a bad day, of course I felt terrible and it showed I was upset. "Paola, are you okay? Are you feeling all right? Because you are more than welcome to go home!" She said, going off on me near the end of practice when I didn't speak nearly the whole time. "I don't know and apparently your captain doesn't know either!" she said speaking to one of my teammates. I just fell so alone in that whole gym filled with other players. All I would ever get was an eye rolling, a mean look, a shake of the head, or an ignoring-you type gesture. Gradually, I knew that in her eyes, I was the bad guy. I tried to ignore it and still be a good leader for the team. I thought, if I can't be what you want me to be, I'm going to be at least try to be what my team needs me to be. But still in the end, I couldn't give all that I could because I couldn't be there for them at the championship. My dad told me I couldn't play in the last two games, because I needed to get my grades up. That definitely put me in a really bad spot. They always told us that it was school before athletics, but apparently, it didn't apply this time. "...She's not a part of this team anymore, she let you guys down," were the words I heard when my supporting teammates came back Monday after having placed 4th in the championship Saturday at Flowery Branch in Atlanta. They told me she was pissed. I was sitting at one of the tables during lunch when one of my teammates first told me that. I felt so misunderstood with this whole situation. I felt so confused and wondered why they were treating me this way. I felt as if it was because of my not wanting to play for Varsity over the summer, I felt as if it was because they just expected too much out of me, and when I fell short of her expectations and others' expectations, I lost trust. No matter what I tried to tell them, my thoughts and situations didn't matter. It was all about winning.
Voting week came for volleyball for the Most Improved, MVP and choices like that. I was scared to go, because I've already heard that I "wasn't a part of the team anymore". So I decided I'd go on Friday to her room and vote. The night before, Thursday night, I received a text from a good friend of mine that is also on the JV team. I felt my stomach drop and I felt my mind fast forwarding to next year's season. Would I be able to play? Do I want to play even though I know I'll not be liked by them? "...She said we couldn't vote for you when I went to her room." That was final. It seemed that from trying to work hard and balance everything all on one plate, I still gained more weights to hold, and I couldn't seem to find the right place to put them down. No table to hold them, no chair for me to sit and rest in. This year was just the complete opposite of last years. I couldn't really tell them how I really felt, I'm not that kind of person to come clean like that. So I just stayed quiet, and I was just misunderstood the whole time.
December 5, 2010
Marginalized Part II, And So It Continues...
Summer workouts were beginning, and I already wasn't given a slight chance. No chance of practicing at varsity level, no chance to even get a chance to make it to varsity, no chance of me getting the head coach's attention, but a major chance of me making it to the JV team for the third time in a row as an upcoming junior.
That whole summer, I was with the underclassman. And not that that was bad in any way, but I was the only junior. That actually was the only year I felt completely ready to play at varsity level. But again, I had no chance. This was the head coach's team. The head coach makes the rules and decisions. The head coach oversees everything. But she looks past me and hates me at the same time. And at this point, her hatred for me is clear to both JV and varsity players and other associate coaches.
So the season began and the first practice with the new JV team didn't go completely bad. However, glancing over at the varsity's practice looked more fun and challenging. Two things that I needed and longed for. Observing who was on the team, I noticed that even though I was the captain for the JV team the previous year, two players, both sophomores, made varsity over me, I also noticed that there were six seniors, one junior and five sophomores. Wow. Five sophomores, so what in the world am I doing on JV? Did she intentionally place me on JV so that I could lead another team again? No. Did she purposefully glue my ass to JV because I just wasn't good enough? No. Did she stick me back on the team that I have been with for the past two years again because she just wants to win? Partially. But the only reason that I have left and is legit is that: she doesn't like me. That's just simply it, she doesn't like me. Some coach huh?
I pictured a coach as someone who leads his or her team, someone who isn't bias towards a specific person, someone who helps his or her athletes into getting better, not weigh them down. A coach isn't supposed to decide her team based on who she likes, she is expected to determine her team by talent and by what she sees in an athlete. This coach lacks that all. She just wants to win.
Throughout this season, she's been rude and mean only to me. "You don't have the paper? Well, wouldn't it be smart to have it?" She had said to me that day as she made a face that had more attitude in it towards me that I've had with her since I've known her. "You need to stop this. Don't give me that, you know exactly what I'm talking about!" Last year is last year. Holding grudges about some rumor that wasn't even true isn't a coach characteristic. Stop trying to live your teenage, mean girl life, stop trying to act like a teenager and gossip with your players, stop trying to talk like you're a 16 year old, and act like you even coach a high school team. Grow up. "Speak up you're a junior!" She yelled at me as I spoke to her with a soft voice. "I wanna talk to your dad about constantly being late picked up." Except my parents are out of the country and the only days I've been late picked up were the days when our family friend, who isn't used to having responsibility over me has to pick me up, days after my parents left. I want to tell her so much, but I'm just not that kind of person. I want to tell her to have some respect for people, for me. Why can't you just understand me, how can you even treat someone the way you treat me? These are honestly questions I'll never get answered.
The upside to all of this is that three other players and the two other associate coaches saw the way she treated me that day and also that I had no attitude, I didn't raise my voice or make any faces to her like she had did to me. I'm not saying that I'm the rightful winner, I'm just saying that if someone is that rude to me, the best thing I can do is to not ignore it, but to take it. Learn from it. It may hurt and it may have made me cry, but God, I learned from it. Not everyone is haloed and not everyone will have, in their right mind, the common sense of integrity and respect. Most of the time, it won't be fair if it's you. But damn. If you're coach acts like a stuck up teenage girl, you'll know, when game time comes around, who the true athletes are.
September 9, 2011
