As if I were a stone.
You just kicked me around
And expected too much out of me.
You treated me differently
When I refused politely.
I felt I wasn't ready,
And you rejected me.
I still tried to be the best leader,
I still did all I could for my team.
But when I failed to perform expectedly,
You just cut me off right at the seam.
You untied my knots,
Ripped out the strings.
You made me feel inferior
And ruined everything.
But I didn't let that bring me down.
You heard what you wanted
And what you didn't.
You have your favorites,
None of which are me.
But I don't care, I just wanna play,
But not under your Varsity.
October 24, 2010
Scarcity
I'm walking scattered,
Going down a broken down road.
Gazing at the stones beneath my hurt feet.
This path is hard to walk.
Seems like my feet can barely breathe.
I'm sighing with a hushed breath,
Wanting to tumble to my knees.
I'm quietly pouring my heart out,
Feeling like voices should agree.
But nothing is glee
In a household that seems so happy.
Bitter eyes meet bitter tastes
And words find meanings full of hate.
The sky grows grey tonight,
For nothing can be the calm,
But I.
There's nothing that could keep
These stones from grazing the scars
Beneath my feet.
Scarcity met with me tonight.
November 8, 2010
Oblivious
Your dark twisted games
Yanked my heart into knots.
I was scared.
Hopeless,
Young and broken.
Never realized what was
Being done.
Countless times you
Spoke to me words.
Promises
Surely broken,
Never addressed.
Not twice,
Nor once.
I knew you weren't the one.
You countered everything,
Told me lies,
Spoke them to my face.
Brought me down
All to just turn me around
And go back home.
You told me
You loved me so.
But I shoulda known.
November 10, 2010
By You
I don't know how to win,
I don't know what to do.
I feel pushed aside,
I just wanna run and hide.
But I gotta be the bigger person.
I have to be what I know I am.
Not be sustained
And not be pertained
By you.
Not by you.
There's more for me to do,
Then be scared by you.
There's more for me to do,
Then act immature
Like you.
I don't know how to win,
But I'm sure I'll come out strong.
December 11, 2010
The Fighter
Sometimes my mind gets scared.
Like I am not confident enough.
As If I am not strong to be tough.
As if I can't level up.
I feel as if I am weak.
As if there is tape holding
Back my cheeks,
Like I can't even speak.
As if there are chains
Around my wrists.
I am being held down to this,
No confidence.
Low to the ground.
My ear only listens
To my mind.
"You are not worth it," it would say.
I'm in a prison.
I try and try to fight
To get out,
To the top.
Fighting, never willing to stop.
I'm being held,
But I won't back down.
I'm not no one's clown.
No crown will be placed on their head.
I'm off to the races,
Gonna fight 'til I bleed.
They will beat me,
Hurt me,
Watch me as I cry.
I may be hurting,
But I'm alive on the inside.
My soul will never quit.
I know what I want
And I'll do anything to get it.
I'll reach to the top
No matter what I do,
Because I know my strength,
It says, "No one can stop you."
I'll undertake the pain,
I'll fall but I'll still stand.
I'm trudging beneath this rain,
But I won't take no hand.
I'll listen to my heart,
I'll find my power deep within.
Nothing could bring down my confidence,
Nothing will create my end.
I'm going to fight, again and again
'Til I reach my top.
I'm aiming towards my victory,
I'm gonna find the strength in me.
My will, my heart.
Confidence.
December 18, 2010
Waiting On My Voice
I don't know how to win
I feel these voices caving in
Telling me to speak up loud
But I don't know what to say now
I feel as if I'm losing now
I want these words to mean something proud
But I guess I don't matter
I guess this voice can't get no louder
Than this.
Tomorrow's just a day away
Keep things stonger
Not much longer
Finding hope is the safest way
Don't let me fall
I'm feeling outta place
But I'll tryta speak louder than those other days
But I guess that strength will just have to wait.
December 29, 2010
I feel these voices caving in
Telling me to speak up loud
But I don't know what to say now
I feel as if I'm losing now
I want these words to mean something proud
But I guess I don't matter
I guess this voice can't get no louder
Than this.
Tomorrow's just a day away
Keep things stonger
Not much longer
Finding hope is the safest way
Don't let me fall
I'm feeling outta place
But I'll tryta speak louder than those other days
But I guess that strength will just have to wait.
December 29, 2010
Secret Cries
Secret cries,
They lay on my bed.
They broke my heart,
They were stuck in my head.
I laid me down,
And sought my mind.
My heart spoke out,
And left the pain behind.
These secret, secret cries,
No one knew they lived.
They made me stronger,
They helped me forgive
Myself.
These secrets cried,
But I no longer weeped.
My heart broke loose and
Made me believe,
"Someone's out there, just for me."
February 10, 2011
Kingdom Rain
Why does my heart ruin the best?
He spoke truth and I laid to rest.
My heart pounds,
Just as his,
So why is this all that it is?
Tell me the truth,
Am I worth a thousand words?
Is there someone else better
That could make your smile what it's worth?
I'm not the greatest,
And I sometimes fail at pure love,
But tell me the truth:
Am I worth Your kingdom?
February 21, 2011
The Unknowing
Fighting my tears
Is my deepest fear.
I want to let them go,
But something's holding them back.
I want to be strong,
Say nothing's wrong
And just move on with my life.
But my armor is deteriorating,
And soon, I won't be able to fight.
My smiles cover my sadness,
My tears speak through the night.
Something in my heart is hurting.
My heart is running out of sight.
I don't wanna fight these tears anymore,
I'm losing the scores.
I'm weakening in my knees,
Asking someone to help me please.
But no one comes.
I'm all alone,
I'm walking on stone.
My feet too tired to keep going.
I'm laying on this wretched ground,
Slowly slipping into the unknowing.
April 3, 2011
Open and Empty
I wanna be like this
And I wanna be like that.
I don't wanna feel no less,
Yet I want no one to turn their back.
But here I am,
Lost and broken.
No words spoken,
Just unwanted actions provoking.
Here I am,
Still living broken.
Open and empty.
Love found and never returning it back.
I want to feel alive again,
Have no one turn their back.
Sometimes I'm my own bestfriend.
Sometimes I feel a bit of regret.
But lifes too short to feel this way,
Though some things in life are hard to forget.
No friends,
Just starts and ends.
Sunrise, sunset.
Lifes not even hard yet.
I want to believe that I'm the girl of his dreams,
But I don't know how to feel about myself.
Sometimes I feel I'm not worth a thing,
Sometimes I feel my hearts not anything.
Why can't I be pretty,
Why can't I be this,
And why not that.
I want to feel like I'm worth shit,
But right now I see too many backs.
I'm not beautiful,
I'm not cool or popular.
I have a heart too though.
I'm standing on its edge,
Waiting for faith to show.
Waiting for my muscles to ache from
Trying to hold tight onto something,
Anything.
Broken,
Ripped,
Torn,
Shaken,
Anything.
But my fingers quickly slip right through.
Now my heart has only found one thing to hold onto.
I'm open and empty.
Nothing but love inside.
Help me feel like I'm worth it.
My friends just seem to hide.
Smiles over frowns
Seeming to prevail
Every time.
April 26, 2011
And I wanna be like that.
I don't wanna feel no less,
Yet I want no one to turn their back.
But here I am,
Lost and broken.
No words spoken,
Just unwanted actions provoking.
Here I am,
Still living broken.
Open and empty.
Love found and never returning it back.
I want to feel alive again,
Have no one turn their back.
Sometimes I'm my own bestfriend.
Sometimes I feel a bit of regret.
But lifes too short to feel this way,
Though some things in life are hard to forget.
No friends,
Just starts and ends.
Sunrise, sunset.
Lifes not even hard yet.
I want to believe that I'm the girl of his dreams,
But I don't know how to feel about myself.
Sometimes I feel I'm not worth a thing,
Sometimes I feel my hearts not anything.
Why can't I be pretty,
Why can't I be this,
And why not that.
I want to feel like I'm worth shit,
But right now I see too many backs.
I'm not beautiful,
I'm not cool or popular.
I have a heart too though.
I'm standing on its edge,
Waiting for faith to show.
Waiting for my muscles to ache from
Trying to hold tight onto something,
Anything.
Broken,
Ripped,
Torn,
Shaken,
Anything.
But my fingers quickly slip right through.
Now my heart has only found one thing to hold onto.
I'm open and empty.
Nothing but love inside.
Help me feel like I'm worth it.
My friends just seem to hide.
Smiles over frowns
Seeming to prevail
Every time.
April 26, 2011
The Invasion
It's late at night,
I've got stung eyes,
And the owls hoot
Watching for other cries.
I'm inside waiting,
Slightly anticipating,
And so here I am, crying.
My heart's wounded,
My mind's been intruded,
It's late at night,
And here I am, secluded.
May 2, 2011
Cry
I tell myself not to cry
But that would be hiding
My feelings inside
My heart just feels
It can't breathe
Because you are my strength
My every breath that I need
Don't be mad at me
Tell me you love me
Tell me you care
Say that you want me
Show me you're here
Cuz I tell myself not to hide
But tonight,
Tonight I'm gonna cry.
May 4/6, 2011
Secretly
I'd secretly cry.
At night my lights would go down.
My heart would fall then turn around.
Tears, rolling down my cheeks.
Onto my pillow, and the dark ceiling
Would be the only thing I'd see.
Frustration, sadness and loneliness.
Broken heart, jealousy, and carefulness.
I'd secretly cry,
And no one else would know,
Nobody will know.
Just me and my pathetic thoughts that survive.
I try to hide it, I thrive.
But all that leads to is pain and hurt.
He doesn't deserve this.
Why must I hurt him so much?
But I'd still secretly cry.
Let no one else know they've lived.
I'll just stay strong,
Be brave and and smile along with him.
May 9, 2011
The Coming of Secrets
Underneath these tears is a smile,
But I just can't seem to find it.
Deep inside, my heart is broken,
But I just don't know how to fix it.
My smiles can be big in times of need,
But within my heart a piece is missing
In me.
I'll try to wipe these tears away,
But the red in my eyes
Doesn't seem to fade.
Neither does this feeling of sadness.
My heart doesn't open easy to just anyone
Because she's scared of
Secrets coming undone.
Her loneliness and tears hiding behind
Her heart, are things she hides
Because they tear her apart.
But no one knows this girl.
She never introduces herself to others.
Joy and happiness
Always take her cover.
June 5, 2011
Mistreated? Believe it.
Rude,
That's what she is to me.
Selfish,
That's what she lives to be.
Pride,
That's what's deep inside her heart.
Hurt,
That's how I feel when she rips me apart.
She doesn't want to try to be my friend,
She wants everything her way in the end.
Nothing gets by her,
She makes me feel so insecure,
And everything she is to me
Hurts.
I don't understand.
She treats me as if I've committed a felony.
She pushes her words in circles around me.
She grips my skin and jerks it intentionally.
And it doesn't even bother her.
Not even the fact that it has made me
Cry and hurt.
Winning and popularity is all that matters.
September 9, 2011
Along With the Rose
As I lay down my rose,
All I can do is look up from here.
I look forward but breakaway into tears.
I can't look into his eyes,
Because he can't stand it when I cry,
But where's his wide open arms?
They've disappeared into this past year.
I can tell things are not the same,
I can tell he's made his change.
But I loved him first,
And that's what hurt the most.
August 28, 2011
I Am My Own Bestfriend
And here I am again,
Feeling like my own bestfriend.
I feel like I'm caving in,
I'm on the outside looking in.
All I need is another friend,
One to hold me up in the end.
I'm here once again,
On the outside looking in.
Without him, without my man,
I'm here alone over again.
My heart gets weak
And I feel like crying,
I feel as if the world's defying
Me.
But here I am,
Once again.
I am my own bestfriend,
Cuz I'm on the outside looking in.
February 23, 2012
